I know a lot of you have been a-buzz concerning this new trailer that precedes Mike "Da Shit" Bay's transcendant Transformers ("Da Shit" is what those "In Da Know" call him). Well, it just so happens that JJ Abrams latest soon-to-be-mega-hit is a top secret project that I have been intimately involved in from Day 1! I've signed a confidentiality agreement that does not allow me to reveal all the juicy details, which even restricts me from telling you fine people what it is I'm doing in the movie! Rest assured, though, dear readers, that it is everything you would expect from me... and more!!!
Anywho, what I can tell you is the following:
1. Yes, the movie is coming out on 1.18.08, though that is not the title.
2. The Ethan Haas websites, www.ethanhaaswasright.com and www.ethanhaaswaswrong.com are NOT linked with the Cloverfield project. The official site is www.1-18-08.com. There ARE more websites associated with the movie, but they haven't been discovered... yet!!!
3. It is NOT a Godzilla movie!!!
4. It is NOT a Cthulu movie!!!
5. It is NOT a Transformers movie (doih, you just watched that, biatchz!)!!!
6. It is NOT a Voltron movie!!!
7. It is NOT a Giant Lion!!!
8. It is NOT the Smoke Monster from LOST!!!
9. It is NOT a sequel to the Blair Witch Project!!! LOLZ!!!
10. Steven Spielberg IS executive producing, but he is not directing. That duty falls to everybody's beloved Cohen Brothers, of Fargo and O, Brother Where Art Thou fame!!!
11. The budget of the movie is a very un-Blair Witchy 300 Million Clams!!!
12. Christian Slater was slated to star, but had to drop out when he suffered malaria following his shoot of the late great Werner Herzog's RESCUE DAWN!!!
13. There are more things in heaven and on earth, Horatio, than can be dreamt of in YOUR philosophy, biatch!!!....
JKing on that last one, folks!!! That's from Shakespeare's The Tempest!!! You didn't think I was a poet, did ya?!!?!
So that's all I've got for now... hope that wets your appetites and gets your hairy nips hard!!!... and in the meantime check out that official site... there's more there than meets the eye!!!
Jason "Not the Statue of Liberty" Ellis
"There's only one rule of thumb when dealing with the women: fuck and run, fuck and run."
- A Great Man